Abide in Christ and Bear Fruit

We talk about why “good kids” can still walk away from faith and why that should not surprise us if we confuse outward success with spiritual life. We reset the goal to abiding in Christ so the fruit that lasts grows from Jesus, not from pressure, performance, or polish. 
• measuring the wrong things in Christian parenting and Christian education 
• bearing fruit as the question that survives graduation 
• John 15 and the vine and branches picture of spiritual growth 
• behavior modification versus heart transformation 
• moralism versus the gospel and why kids become proud or cynical 
• what it means to abide: Word, prayer, and obedience as daily rhythms 
• three practical anchors: morning identity, midday reset, evening review 
• celebrating character and fruit of the Spirit alongside achievements 
• modeling repentance so kids learn where to go with their sin 
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This podcast is presented by Wayne Christian School- A Christ-centered community school whose mission is to assist parents and churches in the education of their children from a biblical worldview to impact their world for Christ. You can learn more at waynechristian.org 

Transcript

When The Dream Kid Walks Away

Luis 0:00

Nate, let me describe a kid to you. They get straight A's, they say, Yes, sir, and yes, ma'am. They never go to your office. They play a sport, they serve in their church, and they know all the answers in their word of life small group.

Nate 0:17

You know, that sounds like every parent's dream child. And it is.

Luis 0:22

And unfortunately, I've watched kids exactly like that walk away from the faith by their sophomore year of college. And every single time it catches somebody off guard.

Nate 0:36

And it probably shouldn't have, because we've seen it so often. And that is really the part that should bother us.

Season Three Kickoff And Purpose

Nate 0:51

Welcome to Equipped for Impact, the podcast designed to assist Christian parents, leaders, and educators to raise up the next generation to stand firm in their faith and influence the world for Christ. We're your hosts. I'm Nate. And I'm Lewis. And we are so glad you're here with us today as we kick off season three. Can you believe it? This is the third year we have been doing this podcast. In the best year. In the best year, yes. The third, third, third times the charm. It is. Anyway, but if you're new here and you've not listened to the previous 69 episodes that we've put out, here is what we do every week. Is this really 70? I think this is number 70. Incredible. Number 70. In 30 episodes, we're gonna have to have like a hundredth episode party or something. We can get a cupcake. We could have breakfast for dinner.

Luis 1:42

Disgusting.

Nate 1:42

It would be wonderful. I will come in with French toast. We normally record in the morning. It is. It is after 10 30.

Luis 1:48

It's so we wouldn't have to be eaten by now, but we could celebrate with breakfast for dinner.

Nate 1:51

We could record a little bit early to have breakfast. Okay. But if you're new here and you don't know anything about our little banter about breakfast for dinner, I love breakfast for dinner. Lewis does not.

Luis 2:01

It's disgusting.

Nate 2:02

I'm right. And everybody is has the right to be wrong. So anyway, what we actually do around here is that we want to equip you so that you can raise up your children as God has called you to, so that they can stand firm in their faith in a culture that doesn't make it easy. So if you're listening in the car, on the treadmill, while you're folding laundry, whatever it is, thank you for joining us for another season.

Bearing Fruit Versus School Metrics

Luis 2:31

And Nate, really, as we get started with this third year, it's also my third year as the head of school of the school where we get to work, right? Yep. And so our theme this year is all about bearing fruit. It's in chapel, it's in the classrooms, it's all over the walls. And when we were sitting down to set the theme for this year, we wanted to make it a theme about purpose, right? Because when you lead a Christian school, we are constantly tempted to measure the wrong things. We want to look at test scores, we want to look at enrollment, we want to look at behavior in the hallway. Now, don't get me wrong. Oh, those are important. They are they are all very important things. We're not saying either or, right? I think we're really saying both and because you you can build a school that produces polished, well-mannered, high-achieving students, but they don't know Jesus. Yeah. Every Christian educator, I think quietly, right, we are afraid of that. And so this year we chose a theme, bearing fruit, to really force ourselves back to the only question that survives graduation and is this student connected to Jesus? I liked what Glenn Schultz said, right? We're not preparing kids for 10 years from now. We're preparing kids for 10,000 years from now.

Nate 3:50

Yeah, that's really good. And parents, you know, you're in the exact same spot. Of course, we're speaking specifically from a school context, but you're in the home, right? And you're not just, you know, building a house. You're not just, you know, doing whatever to try and raise the kids to get a good job or whatever. You want to raise your children so that they are abiding in Christ, they're connected to Christ, and then they're bearing fruit. Which is really that the picture, right, that Jesus gives us in John 15, right? He says, I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit. For apart from me, you can do nothing. I love that. It's it's a great just image of who we are in Christ and how we stay abiding in him, connected to him, and he produces that fruit through us. And so really our job is just stay connected and the fruit will come. He will bear that fruit.

Luis 4:52

Yeah, at the beginning of every year, Nate, I do kind of a keynote kickoff for our staff. And this year I focused on the image of a peach tree. And so I did some research on peach trees, but it takes really about three years before a peach tree actually produces the fruit to eat. But one of the really cool things that I read as I was doing that, there was one commentator that that noted that the fruit is being produced and the peach is produces the fruit, right, of a source that it never sees or knows what's happening because it's going all the way down to the roots, right? And it's really the opposite, I think, of how we think, because we always focus on the end result, right? Like this is what we got, but really it's everything that's connected to the source of what's happening down in the roots, through the trees, through the limbs, all the way to the branches.

Nate 5:49

Yeah, that's that's really good. And so when we think of like trying to focus on those outward behaviors, we had Brian Baker, we we interviewed him several episodes ago, and and he talked about behavior modification versus heart transformation, right? And that's if you're focusing on the fruit and you're focusing on that behavior in your child, then you're gonna miss it, right? And so you can't just focus on the fruit the whole time, that peach tree, the you know, rose bush, whatever it is. If it's trying, you know, if you're focused on what it's producing, you're you're gonna miss it because that's a that's the end result, right? You've gotta you've gotta focus on what's actually bringing that nourishment and making that fruit. So for us, right, we're not saying, oh, well, he's a good kid because he's got good grades, you know, she does this sport, she's really polite, they're really creative, whatever. Those are all just the end results of the work that God's doing in their heart. And it's exhausting, right? If behavior's your goal, yeah. So you're just gonna try and enforce behaviors, you're not really letting the Holy Spirit work in your child's

Moralism, Gospel, And Abiding

Nate 6:54

life.

Luis 6:54

Aaron Powell And let's be clear here, right? Like because we don't want you to mishear what we're not saying, right? We're not saying behavior doesn't matter. Yeah. We're not saying that your kid being a good kid or getting good grades or knowing the interest in the school, we're not saying that that's not important. What we're saying is that if that's the ceiling instead of the evidence, and you end up with a good kid and you think that's the finish line, then we've miss parenting for the gospel. And what happens is you then burn out and your kid becomes cynical because moralism and the gospel say two completely different things to your child your your your child, right? Moralism says try harder, do better, be nicer, and then you'll be acceptable. And then if a kid hears that long enough, then what ends up happening is that they start taking pride in that's who I am, right? Yep. And then the gospel says something very different. It says, You're dead, Christ made you alive, you're accepted before you perform, and he's the source of what comes out, right? Paul says that we are saved unto good works, right? And so it's because of what Jesus did in our life that we were able to actually do these good things.

Nate 8:12

Yeah. And it's I've heard the illustration of like it's like stapling fruit on a tree, especially a dead tree, right? Because we were dead in our trespasses and sins. And so you you go out and you take an apple that you bought at Aldi, because everybody shops at Aldi, right? And then you go with a big, you know, staple gun and staple it onto a branch of the tree, that doesn't make the tree alive. Yeah, it just makes it look alive when it's really still dead. But eventually that fruit's gonna rot, it's gonna stink, and you're still stuck with a dead tree. So the answer, right, here in John 15 is abide. Abide in Christ. So what what does that actually mean to abide in Christ, Lewis?

Luis 8:55

Well, it comes from a Greek word meno, right?

Nate 8:59

Look at us starting off season three with a Greek word.

Luis 9:01

Look, we are the Greek scholars of Wayne Christian school. Okay, let's go for it. And so it just means to remain, it means to stay, it means to make your home in something, right? It it doesn't mean that you feel more spiritual. It doesn't mean that you sat still for 10 minutes and felt peaceful. It it's it's not a mood, right? Like it's it's it's this idea of Jesus filling us with himself. It's actually what he says in the that same chapter, right? He says, If you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish. And then a few verses later, he says, If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love. And so when you put all these things together, it's about Jesus living in you, right? His word living in you, obedience to what he says. And then because you ask those things in prayer, right? Word, obedience, prayer, all of that is the abiding in him.

Nate 10:04

Yeah, and that's um amazing because we think of, you know, some really big mountaintop experiences. We talked about that a couple episodes ago at the end of season two, talking about coming back from summer camp and you're like, oh, big mountaintop experience. It's awesome. But you you don't bear fruit overnight, right? It's a long process, and so it's the the accumulation of all of these ordinary, everyday moments where you're just filling your heart and mind with the word of God and letting the Holy Spirit do that work in you and it reframes things, right? So it's not, you know, this event, an abiding event. It's it's when we get to go and let the Holy Spirit over time do that work in our hearts so that we He produces that fruit in us.

Luis 10:55

And I really like that, Nate, because I think that we've become so inundated with the spectacular, right? That even in our Christian walk, we lose sight of those daily rhythms, right? Like that mountaintop experience at camp, that emotional experience at church. But the vine is Tuesday, right?

Nate 11:15

It's when you people keep making fun of Tuesday. I said that to you the other day. Like we were watching in Staff Devos, we were watching a video and he made that same point of like, oh, it's on a Tuesday. But I think Tuesdays are awesome. Taco Tuesday? Taco Tuesday is good. Thai Tuesday?

Luis 11:29

Thursday's my favorite day of the week. Maybe why Thursday? I don't know. Just ever since I was a kid. Like I I always look for maybe it's because it it's close to the weekend. I don't know. It was just kind of like the day, it was just a good day for me.

Nate 11:41

Okay. But I do like Taco Tuesday. Tuesday. I mean, Tuesday apparently doesn't get very much love, but I love Tuesday.

Luis 11:46

There is a Mexican restaurant. Ruby Tuesdays where we live. I don't need at Ruby Tuesdays.

Nate 11:50

There's not one in Goldsboro, is there?

Luis 11:52

Not anymore. There's one in Kin there's one in the town next over. Okay. And so but there's a restaurant here locally that on Thursdays does all you can eat quesadillas. And so Thursday has become my favorite day of the week for that reason.

Nate 12:05

Well, there you go. Well, I just derailed us talking about food again.

Luis 12:08

But the Tuesday. But the vine is Tuesday or Thursday, right? It's when Or Monday or Wednesday. We love all the days. It's when you're not having that emotional experience and you're just doing the basic rhythms of walking in Jesus. Trevor Burrus, Jr.

Nate 12:23

Yeah. And that's and that's important because our kids are not naturally, you know, good kids, right? We're sinners, we're gonna mess up. And so it's that long-term just constantly making progress over time. And, you know, God is doing that in our hearts, right? If we want our kids to be patient so that our house is calmer, right? We don't, you know, just try and force that patience on them. We want God to work that patience in their heart so it comes out, and you know, we're gonna be frustrated when they're not learning patience, you know. And that's that's the whole point of of fruit, is that it's being produced in us over time, like we've talked

Three Daily Rhythms For Families

Nate 13:08

about. So we can we can kind of cover that theory and the the biblical foundation of it, but let's get practical because if you're new here, we love to give you real things that you can live out and make practical with your family. So let's let's talk about maybe three practical things, practical rhythms you can run with your families to kind of help abide in Christ. So, Louis, what what's the first one?

Luis 13:35

Look, we're gonna look at it like this from morning, midday, and evening, right? So think so think of it through the course of my day. Let's start with the morning anchor. Before the shoes are tied, your child gets one sentence that anchors their identity. Because here's what's about to happen to them, right? They're gonna walk into a building where they are ranked, where they're compared, where they're graded, where they're chosen, maybe not chosen, and they're gonna do that for seven straight hours over the course of a day, right? Somebody is gonna tell them what they're worth today.

Nate 14:09

Yeah, and it's probably some 12-year-old who saw a TikTok video and they're just spouting what they saw on their phone.

Luis 14:16

Usually, right? And so get there first, right? In the kitchen, in the car. Remind them whose they are, remind and remind them that they're connected to Jesus and remind them that they don't have to prove anything to their teacher, to their friends, because they are already loved by the king. And then pray for patience, right? And then actually do it. Like for 10 seconds, you're teaching your child that their day begins with receiving from the bind, not performing for approval.

Nate 14:46

Yeah, that's that's really good. So that gets you kicked off, gets kicks off your day in the morning with what's most important. And you can set that stage for your child, like a note on the breakfast table, you know, a statement in the car on the way to school, whatever it is you want to, you know, give them that. But then the day happens, right? And so we we've got, you know, for most of us, there's that kind of after school reset. And that's kind of your midday. It gives you in the middle of the day, maybe a little bit later in the day, but middle of the day, you can have a reset with your kid. You pick them up from school, pick them up from sports practice, whatever it happens to be, and then you just remind your child, right? Jesus said, apart from me, you can do nothing, right? And so everything in a kid, everything in us as the parents want to say, okay, I've got this, we can do it, days over, let's, you know, pull ourselves up from our bootstraps, dust ourselves off, and get going. But when your kid comes through the door or gets into the car and they're having a meltdown because something didn't go as well as they wanted it to at school, they failed a test, their friend was mean, our instinct is to fix it, right? But you can just say, you know what? With uh apart from him, we can do nothing. And that resets us instead of trying to fix the problems, right?

Luis 16:10

Yeah, and the easy thing here sometimes is that we especially me, we try to build grit in our kids, right? Yeah, and so it's like just get it together. Like, yeah, even this morning, yeah, even this morning as we were preparing for school, you know, both of my girls were like, Oh, we don't want to do this, like, you know, just kind of that like back to school blues, right? Because summer's over, no more sleeping in. And my response was like, get it together. Like, it's tough. Like, come on, that's tough, get a hemorrhage. Yeah, yeah, like let's go, right? But maybe this is a good time for us to stop and and just pray and remind ourselves and our kids that Jesus never expected us to have all the strength on our own. And so we can stop for 10 seconds and and we can pray for that peace. We can pray for that strength, knowing that the strength comes not from us, but it comes from him. And then when you get to the end of the day, right? That evening review, in verse one, Jesus calls the father the vine dresser, right? Somebody is actively tending his vine. And so at dinner or bedtime, shift the question not to what grade did you get? How did you do in school today, but where did you see God working today? Where, where was the Holy Spirit present, right? And then catch them bearing fruit. So say it out loud. I saw self-control in you today when your sister was picking at you and you didn't take the bait. Uh, and that helps them understand that it's not just about being a nice kid, but reminding them that that's the Holy Spirit at work in their life.

Nate 17:41

Yeah. And I love that because whatever you celebrate the loudest is what your child continue can concludes actually matters in your house, right? So they come home with straight A's or an A on a test, celebrate it, that's great. But if that's the main thing you're celebrating, they're gonna think grades are most important. Or if, you know, whatever. But if you celebrate the character traits that God is producing in them, those are the trophies, even though they're not trophies, right? That you really want them to hold on to. They'll they'll draw the obvious conclusion that what you celebrate is what matters most, right? And and if this, you know, kind of sounds familiar, you know, we've talked about this before where you've got like morning, afternoon, evening, I mean, goodness, uh you go to the Bible and it talks about all the different times that they would pray in the morning, in the you know, midday, in the evening, and that's really the rhythm that you can start even as the school year gets going in your own family and in your children to really start developing them the the opportunity to trust Jesus, abide in him, and recognize when he's doing that work in their life.

Luis 18:51

Absolutely.

Parents Model Repentance And Dependence

Luis 18:52

And so, you know, I think I'll just a quick note here for parents, right? Is it's gotta start with you too. Like if you walk away from here thinking that we're telling you all this for your kid, then then you've missed it, right? Like you can't turn this into a performance. You can't say, hey, we're gonna start doing this. You've got to decide that this is gonna become a part of your daily rhythm and your kids need to see you actually living it out. Yeah, it's good for them to see you reading your Bible, it's good for them to see you praying, it's good for them to see you serving at church, but what does it look like when you get the bad news and you need to be dependent on the vine, right? What does it look like when you lose your temper and you have to go and ask your kid for forgiveness because you didn't live it out?

Nate 19:41

Yeah, and I think that's really important, right? Because you can you can be impressive in like holding things together, but you can also have influence in the way you handle your own failings. And so you've got to kind of be letting the Holy Spirit work in your heart and and admitting when you've messed up and when you weren't showing the fruit of the Spirit, because that is really when you have the greatest opportunity to model and display for your children how to repent and how to change. And, you know, repentance is one of those things that you can't fake, right? You can't outsource it. Your kid sees you go to the cross with your own sin, and then they learn that they can go there as well and and find grace to help in time of need.

Luis 20:26

And I think it kills the myth that mom and dad have it together, right? Like if your kid actually sees you apologize, if they see you come to the cross, right, they get to see that you don't have it all together. And here's the good news, right? That's actually a good thing because if they believe that you always have it together, when you crack or when they crack, it's gonna feel like a total failure and they're gonna be like, I had this whole thing wrong. And then it could lead them to down a very destructive path about even how they can handle these things in the future.

Nate 20:58

Yeah, that's really good. So, Lewis, as we wrap up this episode, give some encouragement to those parents who are facing a new kind of school year, new routine, and they want to make sure that their family is abiding in Christ.

Luis 21:11

Look, here's here's the thing you need to remember: you are not the vine. You never were, right? You are a branch standing next to smaller branches, and the life running through all of you comes from someone else, right? And so the pressure to manufacture a spiritual life in your child was never yours to carry. And even if it was, you couldn't do it anyway, right? Only Jesus gives life. And so put down the staple gun, stop hanging fruit on your family to make it look alive from the road, get near the vine and drag your kids with you. Open your Bible, pray out loud where they can hear you, repent where they can see you, and then wait, just like the farmer does, because the fruit has never once been produced by worry, anxiety, or waiting.

Share The Show And Review

Nate 22:01

Yeah, that is really good. So I hope that this episode was helpful for you all, and thank you all for joining us as we kick off season three here at Equipped for Impact. Um, if you did find this helpful, share it with another parent who could enjoy it as well and build these rhythms into their own families. And we'd love if you took 30 seconds, leave us a review wherever you listen to podcasts, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, whatever. Leave us a review because it helps other families find this show as well. Um, and we will see you all next week. But until then, keep leading the next generation to stand firm in their faith and influence the world for Christ.