Relationships And The Heart- Timeless Truths in a Shifting Culture (Part 4)

Teens say they’re weary of constant connection, and we explore how to guide their hearts toward real belonging without panic. We share five timeless principles, practical safety steps, and the questions we use to help kids grow wise online and off.

• always being formed and the heart as control center
• every platform selling a vision of the good life
• discernment as a skill we can train
• mission over isolation in a digital world
• online vs offline belonging and comparison traps
• Gen Z pullback, Delete Day, and screen-time limits that miss formation
• algorithms, echo chambers, and trust collapse in news
• three risks: predators and sextortion, substance exposure, news confusion
• five discipleship questions for relationships and apps
• build an open-door home for safe confession
• teach friendship categories and influence levels
• pre-decide a family safety plan with no-punishment help

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Send any questions you want answered to podcast@waynechristian.org

This podcast is presented by Wayne Christian School- A Christ-centered community school whose mission is to assist parents and churches in the education of their children from a biblical worldview to impact their world for Christ. You can learn more at waynechristian.org 

Transcript

Teens Tired Of Being Online

Nate 0:00

Lewis, I keep hearing something I never thought I'd hear from teenagers. They're saying, I'm tired of being online. Facts. Like straight facts. Like straight facts. I thought this wasn't the slang episode.

Luis 0:14

Well, now that we know slang, we gotta throw it in everyone. Okay, okay.

Nate 0:18

That's bussing.

Luis 0:19

But i yes. But it's not just talk, Nate. Um there there's actually a real push happening where kids are realizing that being online is making them weary.

Nate 0:30

Yeah, and I've read some people write it that offline is the new online with teenagers today.

Luis 0:37

And I actually think that for parents, that that phrase might be a gift because it's it's telling us something, right? It's saying that kids are hungry for real friendships, for belonging, for real presence.

Nate 0:52

Yeah, and but they're still connected constantly, just all the time connected to other people.

Luis 0:59

And so today we're not doing an episode about banning phones, we're doing an episode about how do we shepherd the heart of our children when it comes to relationships, both offline and online.

Series Frame: Timeless Truths

Nate 1:20

Welcome to Equipped for Impact, the podcast designed to assist Christian parents, leaders, and educators to raise up the next generation to stand firm in their faith and influence the world for Christ. We're your hosts. I'm Nate, and I'm Lewis. And we are glad you're here with us today because we're wrapping up our miniseries, Timeless Truths in a Shifting Culture. What we want to do, what you guys just heard in that opening segment, is that we want to give you some unchanging principles with real-world application in this area of relationships. And so that's today's title, Relationships and the Heart. Now, Lewis, last week was Valentine's Day. Yeah. So any big like relationship things, you know, Valentine's Day wise?

Luis 2:08

Um, what like what do you get the person that's already married to me, right? Like, I mean, that's just Valentine's Day every day, right?

Nate 2:20

So, parents, um, hopefully you learned what not to do from that little segment. Um, but we're actually not talking about that kind of relationships. Maybe you clicked on this, you saw the title relationships, and you're thinking, you know, your kids and dating, which we'll we'll hit on that a little bit, right? Um, but this is really just in general, how can you shepherd your children to have good relationships with their friends, with family members, with others around them?

Luis 2:47

And over the last several weeks, we've talked about music, we've talked about movies, we've talked about gaming, and so we want to continue to use the same principles that we've used the whole series when it comes to relationships.

Nate 3:02

Yeah, so so let's just jump right into these five and review them again. If you want to kind of get a little deeper dive on this, um, go back to our first episode on uh music, um, and you'll you'll get that. It's called Music and the Heart. And we we spend a little bit more time on this, but if not, we don't want to you know waste your time. Let's let's review a little bit. So um, when culture's changing, um, we just kind of need the steady, solid principles to guide us. So, Lewis, what what what are these principles? Walk us through them.

Five Formational Principles Reviewed

Luis 3:30

Yeah, so number one, we are always being formed. Nobody, nothing is neutral. Something is always discipling your heart, it's discipling your home every day.

Nate 3:41

Yep, yep. And that's number two, you mentioned the heart, right? And so the heart is the control center. The things we love drive how we live. And so that's a big thing with all of these areas we've talked about.

Luis 3:55

And that goes right into the next one, right? Because what we love drives how we live. So every cultural product carries this vision of the good life. And so it's telling us, right, social norms, online trends, relationships, like this is driving what our our kids believe about the good life.

Nate 4:15

Yep, which then it makes discernment even more important. So that's number four is that discernment is a skill, right? It's not something that either you're born with or you're not born with, right? It's something that you can train in yourself, but also you can train your kids to be wise, discerning children.

Luis 4:32

And we want to do this because as principle number five says, we disciple for mission, not isolation. And so we're raising kids who can love people faithfully, but not drift with whatever they feel is normal or with the flavor of the month.

Nate 4:50

Yep, that's right. So let's get real simple, real practical. Uh, with these principles, Lewis, why do relationships hit the heart so deeply?

Luis 4:59

Well, it's because relationships answer the questions that kids are actually living with, right? Who am I? Who who wants me? Where do I belong? What do I have to do to be accepted? And and the truth is that really all of us are trying to answer those questions.

Nate 5:16

Yeah, and kind of as we hit in that opening segment, like these relationships with others, they're happening in two arenas at once, right? You've got kind of the physical, embodied, in-person relationships, and then you've got those digital relationships.

Luis 5:31

Um and that digital one can feel like real relationship while still training superficial habits. Like just to call back to our episode, I think it was last week on gaming, right? Some of these gaming environments create connections. Yep, yep. These these social connections.

Nate 5:49

It's yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's not a lot of depth there, right? If you're connecting over, you know, snaps. Like I was having uh dinner with with a guy my age, um, and and we he you know he took a picture of his food and sent a snap to some of his friends, and it was like, um, you know, like, okay, you're you're telling them what you're having for dinner, but like, is that really like you're really getting to know somebody? Yeah, you feel connected, but you're not really being known. Yeah. I think that's a big part of it.

Luis 6:16

I hope I don't know that person because that's weird.

Nate 6:18

Yeah, you do you do not know that person, I can guarantee you.

Luis 6:21

Especially like if they're your age. Like, yeah, I get it. Kids, kids do that today, right? And and I and probably all of us parents are that like we did that at one time with our Instagram.

Nate 6:30

You say your age as if we're like a different age.

Luis 6:34

Uh I mean, I'm a little bit older than you, right? A little bit, but not like decades. No, but I think I'm old. I'm

Online Vs Offline Belonging

Luis 6:40

I'm I'm enough older than you that we weren't in high school at the same time. We were not. And so I think that does make a difference, right? Because like coming like I was probably coming of age in college and kind of that early part of social media. And I was in high school. And you were in high school, right? And so um but right, so when we do that.

Nate 6:57

Now people can do a little like internet sleuth thing and figure out how old we are.

Luis 7:00

Yeah, yeah. Like when we graduate. Ooh, there we go. But when but when we do that, like it's training constant comparison. Like, even, you know, I I know I know this was kind of just a a a quick side story about that, but but like I'm sharing I'm taking a picture of what I'm eating, and now I'm comparing it to what you might be eating, right? Right. And so like I might be eating filet mignon at this really fancy restaurant because I'm on a trip at a conference. And I'm sending you a picture of my breakfast for dinner. Oh, and that and then and then I throw up. Yeah.

Nate 7:31

And now you have to stay out of school for two weeks or two days because you're you know throwing up and so constant comparison, right?

Luis 7:38

I'm like, I'm better than you because I don't eat breakfast for dinner. That's true. I think so. Constant performance, right? So then it's like, okay, how do I how do I level up my like more chocolate chips in the pancakes? Oh man. And then this constant craving for approval, right? So like you might send me a picture of your breakfast for dinner hoping that you're gonna get my approval of like Oh, I know exactly the reaction I'm gonna get.

Nate 8:03

And it's intentional. Oh man. Okay, so let's kind of bring this around. One of the things we've been um kind of bouncing off of in this series is we've been using the the resources from Axis. So another shout out to them. They're great. Um, you know, you know, if you're not plugged into Axis, Access.org, uh, they're gonna help you out there. But let's bring this back to them because one of the themes that they have um uh unearthed is the fact that young people are actually pulling back from social media. Like we've talked about, they they feel the superficial nature of the constant connectivity. And so they're starting to pull back from that.

Luis 8:41

And so one of the interesting things that Access pointed out is that for young people, um social media peaked back in 2022, and there's been this decline ever since, and and young people were the first ones to step back, and they highlight this story from the from New York City that was called the Delete Day. And it was something that they did back in, I guess, like the latter half of 2025.

Nate 9:12

Yep, yep. And that's um you can look at that article on uh Business Insider, and it's pretty interesting because it's all of these Gen Z, which uh if you remember our um our article on or our uh episode on Gen Z and all of that. So this would be like high school students up through college and young adults, like that's your Gen Z area. And it's like all of these Gen Zers outside, and somebody wrote in in Sidewalk Chalk in the kind of park where they were meeting, get rid of your toxic apps. And they're like trying to get rid of these social connection apps that are just sucking the life out of them. Um and so that was a thing. They were deleting apps, it's their delete day. They've got a no-phone party uh where they're just trying to have these in-person connections, which I think is a kind of a you know, illustrating a deeper longing, yeah, obviously, that they've got going on there.

Luis 10:03

And just to be clear, like this wasn't a Christian event. Like, this wasn't organized by a faith-based organization.

Nate 10:10

In fact, one of the you can tell from the pictures.

Luis 10:12

Yep. One of the organizers um mentioned that they realized how weary and confused they were when it came to screens. And so they're trying to take steps together to to deal with this.

Nate 10:26

Yeah, and so even our culture is recognizing that that this is costing us something, right? The constant, you know, shallow connection to the phone or whatever is constant costing them in-person connections.

Luis 10:42

And something that's important to point out, and Axis makes this

Delete Day And Gen Z Pullback

Luis 10:45

point, right? Is it doesn't mean that teens are abandoning their screens, not even close, right? Because the Pure Research Center continues to show that in teens' social uh like impact, right, seven in ten teens are saying that they use YouTube daily. 15% are saying that they're on YouTube almost constantly. And then when you look at TikTok, right, TikTok users are saying that 16% of them are saying that they're on TikTok almost constantly, right? And so what this is saying is that, yeah, there's this kind of craving like we want something real, and and maybe they're deleting social media from their phones or these apps, but they're not disconnecting from the phone that's in their hand.

Nate 11:30

Yeah, yeah. And I think that's that's where we see like this these offline connections are valuable even in the midst of like an online constant culture that our students are kind of in the middle of. Um, you know, the the Atlantic published an article that talked about how screen time to the to the Gen Z kind of age is almost a meaningless metric now. Like if you measure on your iPhone, like the screen time metric, it's it's meaningless, right? Because is that just your phone? Is it your phone and your computer if you're in the Apple ecosystem? Is it phone, computer, iPad, you know, things like that? Like I saw, and this was back probably a decade ago, I saw an article that was reporting that students were spending 26 hours a day on screens. And I was like, hold on, there's only 24 hours in a day. But that's because they added up like here's your phone time, here's your TV time, here's your computer time. And it because they were using multiple devices at once, it was more than the 24 hours in a day.

Luis 12:30

So like you've got the kid who is watching TV on their phone and then on their iPad, right?

Nate 12:37

Yeah, it's it's ridiculous. And so and so that's kind of what we're we're getting into, and um they're just pointing out the fact that you know, parents, you can't just manage the minutes your kids are on screens, right? We need to disciple their hearts, and that's what we're going for.

Luis 12:53

That's that's really good there. And Access pointed out that teens get their news not even from trusted sources anymore. Like they're be they're interacting with these stories or finding these things, and not it's not necessarily because they're going out and looking for them, but it's because they're scrolling on their phone until that information finds them. And we've talked about this before, right? Yeah, their their worldview is being shaped by this algorithm.

Nate 13:21

Yeah, and so the algorithm is pushing them to extremes of the people in their camp, right? Bringing this back to our relationships, right? The the people in your camp, you it's almost like creating an echo chamber. Yeah. And so, you know, you you of course, all of the dangers we've talked about for of just being, you know, isolated from any other like perspectives, but then also, you know, connecting with strangers and hearing their thoughts and that may not align with the worldview. Like there's

Why Screen Time Metrics Fail

Nate 13:50

lots of stuff there. So let's kind of talk about that. Like, what are some things that we need to watch out for um when when we're talking about connecting, especially online connection?

Luis 14:00

Yeah. So Access gave three things that we needed to be thinking about when it comes to these relationships. Number one thing to watch out for is online predators and sex stortion. And that's a new word. You may not have heard that before, and and this is important, right? So the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children reported major spikes in online crimes against children. In fact, they found that in the six-month window, they highlight that online enticement reports to the cyber to the cyber tip line jumped from 292,000 to 518,000. And that it also tied to generative AI child exploitation, and that that type of crime jumped from like six thousand to four hundred and forty thousand.

Nate 14:51

Oh my goodness, that's crazy. And the fact that generative AI like is being used, right? And this is stuff that's happening when when kids are trying to connect, right? Like like let's honor the the deep desire that they're trying to fill that void of connection and relationships, but it's being twisted, right? Because we live in a fallen world. Um so I would say number two, you know, the thing we need to watch out for is the fact of of teens kind of experience experimenting, especially with with substances, right? This is it's a gateway, um, the these online connections to all sorts of different types of substances and and things that you know are being promoted again in the algorithms um as you know, harmless or um, you know, uh help maybe helpful in a certain area or pr promoted as being helpful. Yeah. Um, you know, like uh can't how do you say that? Cannabinoid? I think so, yeah. Like cannabis. Yep. Um I can pronounce that. But like those types of substances um as hey, this is gonna help with your anxiety, this is gonna help with whatever. Yeah. And so they're experienc experimenting with certain substances that obviously otherwise they would not be even knowledgeable about. Yeah. And now they are.

Luis 16:05

And so there was a time when parents, like we would tell our kids, like, hey, like don't drink, don't smoke, like avoid tobacco.

Nate 16:13

Now it's like you have to don't drink, don't chew, don't go with girls that do. Yeah. I mean, that was the old school, you know.

Luis 16:19

And so like you have that in our thing. It's like, okay, so if I can keep my kid from drinking, right, if I can keep my kid from smoking, if I can keep them from from from chewing tobacco or dip or or whatever, then then I'm doing okay. But now they're being exposed to these things that may be foreign

Algorithms, Echo Chambers, And News

Luis 16:35

to us, right? Like uh Nate mentioned cannabis, right? THC, all of these other things that kids may be exposed to that are causing issues. And then that actually leads us to the third thing that you need to watch out for, and that's this trust collapse and news confusion, right? Because uh on the news and trust, Gallup reported that Americans' trust in mass media hit a new low of 28% in the twin in the year 2025.

Nate 17:05

Yeah, yeah. And so our teens in those, you know, they're they're getting uh news or information from sources that maybe are not trustworthy because they're not sure who to trust. Yeah. And so they get a friend who shared something, or maybe it's just an acquaintance that they they are somehow connected to online. Again, we're putting this in the relationship kind of you know, atmosphere. And so they're they're connected, they hear this. Oh, well, so-and-so said this. And so like I'm not gonna trust, you know, an established news outlet or even my parents or teachers. I'm gonna take this that I saw on social media or through a connection somehow, and that's what I'm running with because they're getting that information from feeds that don't actually care about truth.

Luis 17:49

And with the growth of AI and deep fakes and what's happening there, they can watch a video that sounds and looks so real, and they're like, Oh, I saw this, and you know, it's from a trusted news source. I'm pretty sure I saw a video of you wrestling an alligator. Did you do that? I I can neither confirm nor deny that it's a real video. Okay. There is a video on social media that I can neither confirm nor deny whether it's real or AI, of me doing a really cool dance um in the snow. In the snow?

Nate 18:23

Did that actually go on social media? Yeah, that one is on social media. Okay, yeah. I have seen that one for real. The alligator one I've not seen.

Luis 18:28

And so, I mean, you know, I'm neither going to confirm nor deny whether it's real. It could be AI. It could be, but it could also be real.

Nate 18:37

So let's talk about how we can

Three Risks: Predators, Substances, Trust

Nate 18:40

help our students in this area before we go any further uh down the rabbit trail of AI videos. Um let's talk about trusted voices, right? A couple of them that you can kind of think about that help us think through this idea of technology and connections. Because families need a steady posture that's not biblical or that's biblical and not just panics because of the way culture is going.

Luis 19:04

And so we want to make sure that as parents, we are leading with calm conviction. We want to make sure that we don't fear people, right? We we don't worship approval, and we want to train kids to love God and love their neighbor with wisdom and use discernment. And so we're gonna talk about a few voices that that parents you can trust when it comes to these conversations.

Nate 19:26

Right. So, like Al Moeller, right? We we've heard of Al Moeller, we've we've cited Al Moeller here, and and he's been warning for years that the digital life has both that opportunity but also some real dangers in it. And Christian leaders, you know, we need to steward technology wisely ourselves and recognizing that it can be used for good, but it can also be used for evil. And so again, for connection, for relationship, you've got the benefits, but there's also risks we've got to be aware of.

Luis 19:55

And Nate, I think you've you've talked about Andy Crouch before, right?

Nate 19:58

Yeah, yeah. Uh TechWise Family, you know, there's different ones that he's different books he's written. Um, but what he talked about, there's a um a couple of places he's written on this where he says technology belongs in its proper place when it helps us bond with real people we've been given to love. And so that's that idea of technology is great when it connects you to real people. Yeah. But when technology takes over as the connection, uh you're not really loving people, you're just kind of feeding and loving self. Yep, that's good.

Luis 20:28

And one of my favorite uh pastors, theologians is John Piper, and he has this famous line about social media proving that prayerlessness wasn't from lack of time, that it's a heart-level warning about what we actually love.

Nate 20:44

Yep, that's exactly right. And so we want to get real practical, right? For you shepherding your children and discipling your own children. And so we've used these same five questions in every episode of just like how can we take them, adapt them to the topic, and then use them to disciple our children. So Liz, run us through those five questions again.

Luis 21:06

So, what kind of person does this relationship train me to become? What does this relationship celebrate and normalize? What does this do to my loves, my conscience, and my self-control? What fruit shows up after time with this person or on this app? And how would Jesus call me to respond with truth and love?

Nate 21:26

Yeah, so those are those are great, right? We're taking the same types of questions and we're we're we're tweaking them just a little bit, right? The thing of you know, what you celebrate is what you're going after, going back to that idea of the good life. Um, your loves, right? It's your heart. It's training you to become someone and you reflect that then in your actions, the fruit of your life. Um so so what does this look like? Like let's talk about some practical things, what this can look in our houses as we're trying to disciple our children. Um, like Louis, what what would you do to really kind of help? Your kids think through this idea of relationships and especially digital relationships.

Luis 22:06

Yeah. So one, so I think where I would start is is just build the open door culture in your family. Your goal is that your child never thinks, I can't tell my parents, right? Make honesty normal, make confessions safe, and make sure that your consequences are fair.

Nate 22:24

Yeah, yeah. Because if your kid tells you something that they did that was maybe wrong or conversation they had, or maybe they just kind of stumbled into something, if you blow up, right, it's it's not gonna help them be honest with you next time. Yeah. Um and so, you know, uh if honesty only brings explosions, your kids learn concealment. They learn to hide things from you.

Luis 22:48

And the second thing, and this one, this one's gonna sound harsh, and parents, you you might disagree with this one, but I think it's important is you have to teach your children friendship

Trusted Voices And Tech Posture

Luis 23:00

categories. Not every friend has the same influence level, and you have to help your child name it and understand it. You have close friends, yep, you have casual friends, you have teammates, you have online friends, and teach them this, right? That influence is real, and so the level of closeness that they allow in their relationships has to be wise.

Nate 23:30

Yeah, I think that's really important. And I I intentionally used a word earlier in the episode about acquaintances online. Yeah, like we need to stop we call them friends, right? Because of Facebook. Yep. Um, but they're not friends. Yeah, you don't even know these people, like uh some of them. Um it's that just random connections, or maybe you met them once, you were in a cabin at camp together, or you know, something like that. But they're not they shouldn't have that same level of influence in your life. And so we need to kind of give our kids the the framework, the words to kind of explain in their own mind, this is these are my people, right? And then these are just people that I happen to know.

Luis 24:06

Yeah, and you know, I'm I'm gonna get on a tangent here for just a minute. So give me a uh 30 seconds for a soapbox, but like you think about social media, right? Like we've recently allowed our oldest daughter to to get into a social media app that she's been asking to use. And one of the things that you do is is you friend people on this app, and she's gotten friend requests from people that know her that are adults, and I'm like, that's weird. Like, why is a 30-something year old woman or you know, a 30-something-year-old man who who may know my daughter because they know me, not like a youth leader or something like that. Not like a youth leader, and and they're friending her on this app, like for the record, it was not me. It was not, no, but that's not that's not normal, right? And so teaching your kids like, yeah, this is a social media app for you to use with you and your friends, like you shouldn't be friending

Five Discipleship Questions For Relationships

Luis 25:00

a 30-year-old woman or a 30-year-old man who knows you because they know your parents. That's that that's not wise, parents, and and that's why we have to teach our friend our our our children these friendship categories.

Nate 25:14

Yeah, and and let's that flows right into our our last point here, which is you need to create kind of a family safety plan for for relationships like this, right? Um don't wait until a crisis to decide what you're gonna do. And so there's certain things that you can pre-decide so that your kids already know if this happens, this is what I'm gonna do. Things like if an adult messaged me who I don't know, right, I'm gonna show my parents immediately. Um if someone asks for pictures, money, secrecy, anything like that, you show a parent. Um, you know, you you will not lose your phone for coming to us for help. Um, you know, we will help you, we will protect you, those types of things. You create that safe place so that your kids know, like if something's weird, if something feels off, even if it's a group text that you know everybody in it, um, bringing it and exposing it to the light of day is gonna be the best option here.

Luis 26:07

And Nate, I think that that's a really good piece of advice for families, right? We we have to teach our children that there's no punishment for coming clean, right? Because that's actually something that predators rely on. Right. Like one of the ways that predators online prey on children is by telling them, don't tell anyone because you're going to get in trouble. Or don't don't tell your parents or make sure your parents don't find out about this because it's they're gonna be upset.

Nate 26:39

Right. Right. And I think you know, one last thing that we can kind of throw throw in here as we we pull this off is um you know, also just kind of making that connection, especially offline connection, a priority. Yeah. Because then your kids get used to talking to you about stuff in general. Like that's some research I'm doing right now is is all about families and discipleship, and maybe it'll it you know come out on this podcast some. But you know, I've been reading multiple articles over and over again, like scholarly journals, yeah, and they're saying the number one

Practical Home Strategies That Work

Nate 27:10

influence in a student's life is consistent, casual conversations with their parents. Yeah. Not those big things, but just being able to be open and honest and talk to their parents about anything. So this is an area where you really need to have that habit set up ahead of time so that they're more likely to be able to do that. And it doesn't have to be complicated, right? Yeah, it's the casual, it's just the the normal stuff of just like tell me what's going on. Yeah, yeah. Uh over dinner, right? Like you can just get dinner connections, yep, hanging out. It's just you just talk it normal things so that they're more comfortable when the big stuff comes up. That's really good. So let's kind of, as we wrap this up, we're wrapping up really this whole series, Lewis. And when you're thinking about kids and and really applying these unchanging principles to the real world, what kind of uh encouragement would you give our parents as they they wrap up this episode?

Luis 27:59

Look, parents, we know that this can seem daunting. It is. I mean, our kids are growing up in a scary world, but you don't have to control every relationship, but you do have to disciple their heart with calm conviction, establish clear boundaries, and steady love.

Nate 28:21

Yep, that's that's great right there. Like we need to be involved, and we can do that, right, as the world changes, applying these biblical principles to every situation. So thank you all for going through this series with us and listening to Equipped for Impact. If this episode or this series encouraged you, please share with another parent who could use this resource. And be sure to subscribe so you don't miss our next episode. And until then, keep leading the next generation to stand firm in their faith and influence the world for Christ.