Big Questions- “Isn’t Christianity Just Too Restrictive?”

We tackle the challenging question many Christians struggle with: "Isn't Christianity too restrictive in a culture that preaches freedom without boundaries?" Exploring the difference between true freedom and the world's definition reveals how God's commands actually protect and enhance our lives rather than limit them.

• Jesus defines true freedom as being set free from sin, not freedom to do whatever we want
• God's boundaries are like guardrails on a mountain road that protect us from danger while allowing us to enjoy the view
• Understanding the difference between God's boundaries and man-made religious rules
• Our culture's "expressive individualism" turns us inward, following hearts that Scripture warns are "deceptively wicked"
• Harvard research shows teens who practice faith are healthier, more hopeful and less likely to engage in destructive behaviors
• Addressing common objections that rules just control people or cause shame
• Practical tips for parents to establish and explain boundaries that protect rather than restrict

If this episode encouraged you, please share it with a friend who could use this insight, and subscribe so you don't miss our upcoming episode on teen slang where we'll explain puzzling terms like why kids are saying "6-7" all the time!

Send any questions you want answered to podcast@waynechristian.org

This podcast is presented by Wayne Christian School- A Christ-centered community school whose mission is to assist parents and churches in the education of their children from a biblical worldview to impact their world for Christ. You can learn more at waynechristian.org 

Transcript

Welcome to Big Questions Miniseries

Nate 0:08

Welcome to Equipped for Impact , the podcast designed to assist Christian leaders , parents and educators to raise up the next generation to stand firm in their faith and influence the world for Christ . We're your hosts , I'm Nate and I'm Lewis , and we're glad you are here with us today . We're here at the end of our Big Questions miniseries , so this is kind of the last one we're due . Maybe we'll bring it back . I don't know . We haven't gotten any questions yet , but if you've got a question you would like us to answer , go ahead and email us at podcast at waynechristianorg . We'd love to throw this in and maybe we've got enough questions . We can run another mini-series , but this Big Questions mini-series is helping parents walk through some of the tough questions kids ask about God , about faith and the world around us .

Nate 1:01

Sadly , when we recorded our last episode on you know , why do evil people do bad things ? If God made the world good , lewis , you and I were recording that literally hours before the Charlie Kirk assassination , and so this is a relevant thing . This is things that you know , questions your children may ask you , and so there , I think , providentially , we were recording that one , you know , giving you those answers , you know , right before it was really needed . So today we're asking a big question that so many students and even adults wrestle with . Isn't Christianity just too restrictive , right In a culture that preaches , you know , freedom without boundaries , you do you . You know , if it feels good , do it . How do we help our children see that what God commands us to do is actually life-giving and it's not truly

Christianity: Restrictive or Life-giving?

Nate 2:00

restrictive ?

Luis 2:02

And that's a really good topic , right , like Like it's . I would say that , if we're honest with ourselves , every Christian parent , every Christian today , has probably wrestled with this question in some way . Right , because the world says that freedom means doing whatever feels good in the moment . But when you look at scripture , it tells us a very different story , right , it tells us that true freedom isn't the absence of boundaries , it's being set free from sin and we are free to walk with Christ .

Nate 2:36

Yeah , yeah . So I think that's a really important thing for us to just kind of step into that and not to get ahead of ourselves . Actually , this week here at our school , it's Spiritual Emphasis .

Luis 2:45

Week .

Nate 2:46

And the topic this morning again I think this is providential was from Galatians 2 , talking about we were crucified with Christ and so now we live it's Christ living in us , and so we have that freedom , so Lewis , how would we define ? Have that freedom , so Lewis , how would we define ? If we're going to kind of roll through this , how would we define what freedom actually is ?

Luis 3:11

Well , let's start with what Jesus says . So in John , chapter 8 , verses 31 through 36, . I'm not going to read it in its entirety , but I do want to cover a couple of things of what Jesus says . Right , he says if you continue in my word , you really are my disciples . You will know the truth , and the truth will set you free . And then later on he says truly , I tell you , everyone who commits sin is a slave of sin . A slave does not remain in the household forever , but a son does remain forever , and then so if the son sets you free , you really will be free . And so what Jesus is doing is he's making it clear that he sets you free and that when you are freed by him , you are really free .

Luis 3:58

You are free indeed , but notice that freedom doesn't and in this passage , isn't just doing whatever we want . Right , jesus isn't saying you're free to do whatever you want , you're free to continue in sin . What he's talking about here , it's a freedom from the slavery of sin , and the Bible has this image constantly , really all throughout Scripture , of when you're in sin , you're in bondage to sin , you are in the chains of sin . One of the most graphic images of sin that I've ever visualized is the story of Samson in the book of Judges right , Literally right at the end of it sin .

Luis 4:37

his sin led him to be in chains that ultimately needed to be broken in order for him to be restored , and so what Jesus is saying here is that , without Christ , we may think we're free , but sin is really running the show , and he has come to set us free , really free .

Nate 5:00

Yeah , truly to be set free . That's a great picture of the story of Samson , like the whole old school , like flannel graph where you see Samson , you know his eyes are plucked out and he's

What Jesus Says About True Freedom

Nate 5:10

there between the two pillars like praying for that last thing of strength .

Nate 5:13

And you know , that is where sin eventually led him . And of course he thought he was big and bad and strong and could do whatever he wanted . He thought he was free , yeah yeah , but it was leading him into what eventually led to his death there with the Philistines , I think . You know there's two pictures that kind of come to mind . One you know , lewis , you and I we've got a friend , used to be co-worker , paul , and he told a story about when he was a kid .

Nate 5:42

He would , you know , never go out and play in his backyard as a kid because there was no fence in his backyard .

Nate 5:50

Right , he wasn't going to run out in the street , he wasn't going to do anything that get hurt , but he just , like , he couldn't enjoy going out and just having fun in the backyard .

Nate 5:59

Until his dad finally , like , had somebody put up a fence around their backyard and just just knowing where that boundary was , knowing where that fence was , allowed him the freedom to go and enjoy the safe area of his backyard . The backyard didn't change at all , the freedom he had to play in it didn't change at all , but but having those guardrails really worked , um , and it even , you know , just kind of going off the guardrails , right , You're driving along a mountain road and you've got the guardrails on the side of the road keeping you from going off that cliff , right , and too often we think of , you know , offense being something that's keeping me from something good , when , in fact , when God tells us something as a , as a rule , you know , don't do this , don't lie , don't ? You know steal , don't cheat , you know those are . Were saying that it reminded me of something that my family and I we enjoy doing .

Luis 7:07

We love going to the mountains . So we go to the mountains typically every summer and we spend a week there and we love , we just love everything about the mountains . But one of our favorite things to do is just to drive the Blue Ridge Parkway and to go to the different overlooks right .

Luis 7:26

So you pull off the road .

Luis 7:28

But if you notice , at most of those overlooks in fact I would venture to guess probably all of them they have a guardrail that keeps you from going off the mountain , and so you're able to enjoy the beauty of what you're seeing as long as you stay on this side of the guardrails .

Luis 7:47

But when you make the choice to go on the other side of the guardrails , now you're not only just enjoying the good stuff , but you're actually putting your life in danger . And that's how God's boundaries work right . They're not there to steal our joy , but they're there to protect our joy . Like I can enjoy the view , we can watch the sunset , we can enjoy everything that there is to be at that mountain overlook , but when we cross over those boundaries we are disobeying , I guess , the boundary , and now we're operating outside of that joy and something that was meant to be joyful and beautiful could turn into a terrible accident , like if I climb over the boundary , I slip , I fall , and now I'm at the bottom of the mountain and I'm dead , or I've got a broken leg . And so Christianity isn't about less freedom God isn't taking away our freedom but it's about real freedom .

Nate 8:46

Yeah , and I think we're going to talk about some objections a little bit later in the podcast , but let me throw in one right here . We're talking about God's boundaries , right ? Not man-made , human religious boundaries .

Nate 8:58

Like that's an important thing . I think sometimes we , you know , the kind of the culture I grew up in was very conservative . Some might even label it ultra conservative , but whatever semantics . But you know , it's that whole idea of you know . God said this , you know . So let me take two steps back from that line and let me , in a pharisaical way , and say like here's the new boundary , you know .

Nate 9:21

So I'm going to . You know , god says you know , we need to dress appropriately . I think that's a good rule of boundary that God put in place . Well , then we start defining what that means of like . You know , ladies can't wear pants , and you know you've got to wear a suit to church and you've got to use this translation of the Bible in church .

God's Boundaries as Protective Guardrails

Luis 10:02

You know , you start adding those things . God didn't say that . So , yes , that type of Christianity is restrictive , but those arenistic form of Christianity and unfortunately , that when you paint with a broad brush right and you just throw out the term legalism . People hear it , think about it and they're like oh , any rule , any restriction , even if it's a God restriction , are like oh , now you're just imposing legalism on me , and so it's like our culture right has taken a pendulum swing and been like .

Luis 10:29

You know , any rule is a bad rule , even if it's a God rule , right . And so we asked a question , right . Why does our culture resist this idea so strongly ?

Nate 10:40

Yeah , yeah , yeah . I think a lot of this comes back to Carl Truman . He's an author , written several great books Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self . There's a couple others that are good books that he's written . But he calls this expressive individualism , and this idea is just like when I'm most true to myself , when I get to define my own identity , my own truth , my own rules , and it's like anything I say is an expression of myself . Therefore , any boundary or regulation that's going to limit my self-expression is like an attack on me , it's an oppression on me , and so that's the expressive individualism that just kind of like is pervasive in our culture today .

Luis 11:25

Yeah , and it's actually really interesting with kind of the cultural waves that we're seeing in our culture today , right With , like , how people are defining gender right or their identity or whatever , and so that's actually- .

Nate 11:38

They're turning inwardly right .

Nate 11:40

And it's an inward turn , which is exactly what sin does is . It turns us inwardly . But we've said this a couple times recently on the podcast . But you know , it's our heart is deceptively wicked . Above all else , who can understand it ? Right , that's in Jeremiah , and so you know , I said my , my professor used to say your heart wants to kill you , right ? But then this cultural expressive individualism is I just need to express my sinful heart and it's like no , you don't need to express your sinful heart , your heart is sinful , so stop . And the boundaries that God puts in place are good for us . They're going to help us put that fence around our rampant sinfulness that we just naturally are going to want to do because we are sinners . So that's the expressive individualism .

Luis 12:26

And just to build off of that , aaron Wren , who is a writer he actually wrote a pretty influential essay called the Three Worlds of Evangelicalism , way back in 2022 , but he has this idea that he calls the negative world , and the way he describes it is it's a world where Christianity isn't seen as neutral . Because it's not neutral or because it's not positive , it's harmful , and so that's why , when Christians say here's what God's word teaches about marriage , about sexuality , about being honest , right , our culture says nope , that's restrictive , that's hateful .

Nate 13:22

You are imposing your restrictions on me , yeah , and I think the irony of all of that is that even in this place , where people are supposedly expressing their true selves more and more , people are also more anxious , more depressed and more lost than ever . Right , and so those that throwing off the boundaries um , that culture you know has , has , has , has thrown off they were actually protecting human flourishing , whereas they're saying this is going to help me flourish and be my true self , yeah , and God is saying , no , this is making it so you can flourish more . Yeah , you know , it's like a ? Um , like a climbing rosebush . I don't know if you've ever in your gardens at all , you've ever had a climbing that will actually climb up a trellis . I've never had a garden .

Luis 14:10

My mom had a garden .

Nate 14:10

Whoever mows your grass , maybe they can plant a garden for you and take care of it . But a climbing rosebush right , it's supposed to climb . God designed it to go out and it's a vine that will spread up and kind of climb over . We had this one when I was growing up in our front yard , in the in the garden out front , and you know it was multicolored . It was awesome . I loved the

Why Our Culture Resists Boundaries

Nate 14:30

thing . But but you have to put that trellis there that support that structure , because if it just goes and runs rampant , yeah , it'll one take over your garden , yeah , two , it'll start rotting just because the branches are growing over each other and all of that . It needs the support , it needs the structure to kind of control its growth , yeah , and direct its growth to actually make it be healthy .

Luis 14:53

Is that why sometimes you see like vines going up people's houses .

Nate 14:56

Yeah , well , it depends on the type of vine . Okay , I've got some neighbors where they've just got . They just let these vines like grow all over their house and they like grow in my backyard . And I have to cut the thing down to keep it from taking over . But yes , there are certain ones that you need , like a grapevine , you need that trellis to keep it in place , look at that .

Luis 15:17

We should do an episode on gardening . I mean , you're like an expert gardener .

Nate 15:20

I don't think I would make that claim , but maybe it's really me expressing my true self .

Luis 15:28

I don't know , and we actually to what you just described about people being more anxious , more depressed , more lost than before . It's really a callback to an episode that we did way back at the beginning , so I think it was called Engaging the Culture . It was probably like episode four or five somewhere around there , maybe episode six , and so if you're listening to us for the first time and you're like , hey , that sounds interesting , let me just point you back to that episode . It was episode six . This is engaging the culture and it just talks about how today , you know , we're seeing like the deconstruction movement and people are supposed to be being freed and liberated , but truly that's not what's happening , right , and so the real question isn't are God's commands restrictive ? But the real question is do they bring life or destroy it ? And when you look at the evidence , it's clear God's commands they bring life .

Luis 16:27

There was a study done by the Harvard TH Chan School of Public Health Research , and it was on teenagers , and here's what they found , and this is why I'm using this study , because if you know anything about Harvard like this isn't an evangelical , conservative , christian organization . That's putting out the study right . So oftentimes we quote Barna , oftentimes we may quote Lifeway and so people might listen and go . Oh yeah , well , of course they're going to speak positively because that's a conservative evangelical organization . But here , harvard TH Chan School , what they found is that teens who practice faith so if they pray regularly , if they attend church regularly , if they live within biblical boundaries , they are healthier , they are more hopeful and they are less likely to get caught up in destructive behaviors . And so the commands of scripture are helping them live a life that is , shall we say , free .

Nate 17:27

Yeah , yeah , it's true . And there's constantly studies coming out . You know this was from , you know Harvard , but there's constantly studies on families that back this up . Right , kids raised with clear boundaries , especially biblical ones , grow up with stronger marriages , more stable lives right , and it just kind of continues on through the generations . And this is exactly what Paul says in Galatians 5.13 , right , it says that we were called to live in freedom , but not the freedom to indulge in sin .

Nate 17:59

It's the freedom to serve and love one another . Right , and it goes back to what Jesus said in Matthew 11 , right , his yoke is easy and his burden is light . Right , it's not something to crush us under a heavy load of rules and regulations . It's a freedom that we've been given to then turn around and love others , as we have been shown love .

Luis 18:21

And one interesting idea that I was recently just reading about comes from Marian and I'm going to butcher her last name , but it's Urberstadt and she writes a lot on culture , on family and faith and kind of the intersection . But what she does in her writing

The Evidence: Faith Boundaries Bring Life

Luis 18:40

is she shows that when faith and family collapse , society collapses , but when the families and faith stand strong , people thrive , and so boundaries aren't restrictive , boundaries aren't a curse , but boundaries are a blessing .

Nate 18:57

Yeah , yeah , that's really important . So let's kind of go into a few more of these objections . Right , we've already talked about the one right , the religious objections . They just kind of come up , and that's true , like that's an honest objection If this is extra biblical . Just human regulations , illegalism , that's not good . But what about another one , lewis ? You know , people might say , well , rules just control people . Like how would you handle that when somebody says , well , the rules are just there to control others ?

Luis 19:25

Well , I think what that is is that's a false view of God . Right , when they say that they see God as a dictator . But God's not a dictator . God is a loving father , he is somebody who is giving us instructions and commands that are for our good , and he tells us what he tells us so that we might be free to enjoy his goodness .

Luis 19:56

I think back to the story of Adam and Eve in the garden . They , like they , had everything they could have ever wanted , and God created a boundary of what they were allowed to and not allowed to . And there was only one restriction right Not to eat of a particular tree , because if they ate of that tree it would surely cause death . Right , and so they could have just left that tree alone and enjoyed everything else that God had , but they didn't . And God didn't do that because he was a dictator . He did that because he loved them . He says hey , I love you so much that I'm going to give you everything you could possibly want , but you can't touch that thing , you can't eat that thing , and if you do , it's going to cause death .

Nate 20:45

Right , yeah , yeah , yeah . I think that's really important , right , god ? It's a wrong view of God . He's a loving father . There's another one that people might come up as just oh well , boundaries , they just bring shame . Right , they just bring shame . And here's the thing . Yes , because when you cross the boundary , you have sinned and therefore you are guilty . I think that's an important point . We need to differentiate between guilt and shame . We are guilty , we do sin , and so you should feel shame because of your sin . Now , caveat in Christ , there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus , so that shame can be let go of because our guilt has been paid for on the cross , right ? So God doesn't give us boundaries , like to shame us . It's the boundaries to help us , and when we cross the boundary , there are consequences , but ultimately Christ has paid the penalty for our sin , so there's a restorative nature to that .

Luis 21:44

And I think that there's one that's probably very common , especially in our culture today , is just this idea that , as Christians , we're just trying to push our rules on everyone else . Right Is , do things our way , but following Jesus isn't about forcing people to live like us . Jesus isn't about forcing people to live like us . It's about inviting people into the life and the freedom and the joy and the blessings of everything that we have found in him . It's like , hey , come and see the goodness of what I have in Christ .

Luis 22:16

I have a friend who's not a believer and we were recently having a conversation and one of the things that I said to him , um , was if , if , if I'm wrong and I die believing what I believe today , I didn't miss anything out . Right , I still had a really good life , a really good marriage , a really good family , and I raised them in a way that that that leaves a legacy and I'm proud of . So if there really is nothing after this which which I don't think is the true right , I mean , obviously that's why I'm a believer , but I didn't miss anything , uh and so and so we're not making anybody be like us , we're just saying , hey , come , come , experience the world from from from my perspective , from the way that I see it , yeah , and we mentioned Carl Truman earlier and he talks a lot about how , like the American , just kind of dream the American ethic .

Nate 23:12

The foundation of our country , it was founded on that Judeo-Christian ethic , which I not to get political , but that's why I believe that America has flourished to the point that it has the way things are . Now we're getting away from that Judeo-Christian ethic and we're seeing the natural results . You know we've gone outside of God's boundaries and there's flourishing in this . If you do things God's way , it will be blessed , it will be successful , because you're following what God says .

Luis 23:49

So you're probably listening to this as a parent and you're like , hey , I'm with you , nate Lewis , I agree . So what do I do now ? And parents , here's what I would say is , again , it starts

Answering Common Objections to Rules

Luis 24:00

simple . We don't want to make this complicated , but just have simple , consistent boundaries in your life and in the life of your children . So , like a phone curfew we've talked about that before . Right , we've talked about Is that in the Bible A phone curfew ? No , I don't think so Second hesitations .

Luis 24:18

Maybe , okay , maybe it's one of those like hidden phrases that we're not familiar with right , we joke , we it's one of those like hidden phrases . Okay , but we joke , we joke people , but it may sound restrictive , right ? So you might be thinking like a phone curfew for my kid , like you know , go back and listen to our previous episodes you know you guys know , if you've been listening for a while , you know how that is .

Luis 24:39

But it actually protects relationships , right . It gives your kids rest , right , it gives your kids rest and it and it gives it protects their , their mental thinking and their thoughts and the way they see the world . And so , again , a simple boundary , like no phones after seven , or no phones after nine , or no phones in the bedroom .

Nate 25:05

Yeah , it may sound restrictive , but but man , is it really doing good in their life ? Yeah , yeah , and I think just you know , being a part of the church and just seeing you know what , like you said , the come and see , like , come and see how good it is when there are other people worshiping together , living together , trying their best , in the power of the Holy Spirit , to follow the boundaries God has laid out , that will help too , because then your kids see we're not these weird people singled out as the only ones in culture doing this . No , you're part of . We are weird . Okay , the church is supposed to be weird , but not weird for weird sake . We're weird because we're following what God says and when you're around other believers they'll see that .

Nate 25:40

And of course , we as a church need to do a better job of explaining the why behind these boundaries . You know it is good to follow what God said in marriage . It is good for kids to obey their parents , right , it is good to come and worship with other believers . Like , all of these things are things God has commanded and if we explain the why behind it , it will help . So instead of just hey , don't do this , even with that phone rule . You know it's a rule . It's our family's rule . We're going to do this . So you got to do it because I said so . But here let me also tell you why I said what I said , and that freedom without boundaries isn't really freedom .

Luis 26:15

It's slavery to sin . And God's boundaries aren't chains , they're blessings , and so we should be excited to tell our kids , or to explain to our kids , why we're making this choice , why we're saying no to this or why we've made a certain rule , right ? Because , to Nate's point , like , if we just say , well , it's don't do this because I said so , then yeah , that sounds restrictive and yeah , that may sound like it's a chain , but the reason we don't do this is because God has something

Practical Tips for Parents

Luis 27:00

better for us . I think I've described it this way before Sometimes sin is a shortcut to enjoying God's goodness , right .

Luis 27:07

So when we talk about engaging in inappropriate behavior before marriage , right . So if you choose to do something before marriage that God reserved for marriage , you're making a shortcut to something that's good , something that God said is good , and then now you're taking matters into your own hand which could lead to an unwanted pregnancy , it could lead to a disease , it could lead to death . I mean , there's all certain things that now , because you rush God's plan for you , you now are feeling the fallout , and so explain to kids why . Because God's boundaries are a blessing and when we follow them , we find life .

Nate 27:47

That's right . That's right and maybe you know , just real practical . We always encourage those dinnertime conversations . So just ask you know what's one boundary , one rule God has given us , and how does it protect our love for Him , our love for each other ? Just kind of making our lives flourish more and use that moment right to point your kids back to Christ . I think that would be just a great practical takeaway here . So , guys , just thank you guys for sticking with us through this mini series and thanks for joining us on Equipped for Impact . If this episode encouraged you , please share it with a friend , another parent who could use this and even just this whole mini series of just answering those big questions , and subscribe so you don't miss what's coming up next . Which , lewis ? What are we hitting next ?

Luis 28:34

We are talking teen slang .

Nate 28:36

Again , again , yes .

Luis 28:37

Because it's always changing . It's always changing because Access has released a new guide on slang and so one of these we're going to be talking about is . You may be wondering why your kid randomly started saying 6-7 all the time 6-7 . 6-7 , yes , and in fact I actually heard a kid say that recently and I was like what are you talking ?

Nate 28:58

about . I made a bunch of friends walking across the playground because there were some fourth graders that were all yelling it , and so then I just said it with them and they were like oh , that's so awesome Six seven , yeah , it was great . So tune in to know what that means . Hint , it means nothing , but tune in to know what it means . But until then , guys , keep leading the next generation to stand firm in their faith and influence the world for Christ .